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Life In Your Way: Waking giants
03/05/10 || InquisitorGeneralis
The following review was written by our one Lord and Savior, Jesus Herbert Christ.
Hey there Global Domination, I hear you guys are big, big fans of mine! Thanks for all the support and well wishes over the years. I really appreciate them. You will all be rewarded in Heaven with a big ole’ bunch of virgins… oh wait err wrong audience. I mean you will be rewarded when the true Messiah comes to rebuild the temp… oh wait strike two. You will all be rewarded with eternal grace at my side in the presence of my father. Enough about the future, I wanted to talk to you guys about some current followers of mine, Life in Your Way. We all know that there have been some super-awesome bands out there preaching my messages: DC-Talk, Jars of Clay, and my personal favorite – Stryper!
Well, Life in Your Way has been spreading my Word via bad hardcore since the early 2000s and, while I appreciate the effort, it’s just not up to snuff. Actually, it really freakin’ sucks. Whoa, harsh for Jesus huh? Well, remember what I did to those dastardly money-lenders in the temple? Sometimes it’s “no more mister nice Jesus”… except for when I got crucified, Dad told me I had to take that one for the team. Well, if America wasn’t a liberal, morally bankrupt bastion for sodomites and heretics and still embraced corporal punishment Life in Your Way should definitely burn in Holy Fire. Even the most devout can fall off the path from grace people!
I know I know, but Jeeeessssuuuuussss, the golden rule remember? Do unto others! Yeah, well Life in Your Way is doing pain unto my virgin ears with this mallcore crappola! And when poop like this comes out in my name, I get mad. And you won’t like me when I’m mad. Remember, my Dad can beat up your dad. And by “beat up” I mean turn to salt. Oh shucks, I’m rambling again. I need to hurry this up. I’m supposed to appear in a Cheese-Puff in Toledo in 10 minutes!
Bland, derivative, whiney melodic hardcore is “Waking Giants” style and it’s as lame as Lazarus before I worked my “magic” on his dead behind. I feel the same about the Synoptic Gospels: Matty, Markus, and Lukoil just tell the same stories over and over and over again. At least John spiced things up a bit. I like variety! I ate with the tax collectors for my-sakes, who says ole’ JC doesn’t know how to spice things up? I brought booze for an entire wedding. You should see a few hundred wined-up Jews do the electric slide! Well, Life in Your Way sure as heck don’t and its the same old song and slamdance one after another on “Waking Giants”. I give the guys credit for supporting my messages about persevering through tough times and all that, but lyrics like these…
I believe the blind will be healed and the slaved will be set free
…is just plain ripping me off! It’s not enough that the four writers I mentioned above copied everything I said! The Bible is the most copied book on Earth; I should be getting royalty checks for this! Get your own material fellas.
This album is not worth a psalm by psalm examination: they all sound the same and if you listen to “Waking Giants” all the way through your head will fell like you just had thorns shoved into your skull. Trust me, I know. Thankfully this is the last record put out by Life in Your Way and what a lame way to go out! I ascended into Heaven and took a seat at the right hand of Pops after coming back from the freakin’ dead! That’s the way to leave ‘em wanting more fellas.
Peace be with you Global Domination, and for Dad’s sake don’t listen to Life in Your’s Way’s stinker “Waking Giants” unless you want to hear tough guy shouts with weak guy lyrics over top of endless chuggah chuggah riffs. I got bolted to the cross for this? Now Vital Remains, those are some good, wholesome Christian boys with a pious message or love and humility. Give them a try why don’t you? Hasta la vista amigos, until I come again…
- Information
- Released: 2007
- Label: Solid State
- Website: Life In Your Way MySpace
- Band
- Josh: vocals
- Jeremy: guitars
- John: guitars
- Todd: bass
- Corey: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Reach the End
- 02. Worthwhile
- 03. We Don’t Believe
- 04. Making Waves
- 05. The Shame
- 06. Salty Grave
- 07. Help! The Arm of the Mighty
- 08. Threads of Sincerity
- 09. The Beauty of Grace
- 10. Judas
- 11. Beneath It All
